I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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