on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
