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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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