Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
