At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
