I puked a lego.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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