I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
