I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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