I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
