I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
