Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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