please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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