why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
