I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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