despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize