I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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