So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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