he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My life is pants optional.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
