Whod you bang
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
