I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
