OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
