Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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