just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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