The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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