If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
