Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
