it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
