Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
