it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
