thus making me awesome and them whores
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
