there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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