grandma shit on top of the toilet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
high people should be assigned attendants
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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