when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
