dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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