I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
