Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
