If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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