Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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