it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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