If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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