my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
