well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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