Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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