i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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