I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
