he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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