let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
