It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
