just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize