Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
