I think my vagina is haunted
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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