woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
