I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
