so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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