Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have aggressive nipples.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
