I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
