just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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