Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
