I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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