Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
