if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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