he told me I talked like a deaf person
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
