She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Boobs speak an international language.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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