apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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