It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
