the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
