Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize