I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
