the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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