I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize