Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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