K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
